Literal Mood Changes

Wow. It’s so interesting when you find out something about yourself that you seem to deny often, yet accept anyway, just because.

My diagnoses as it stands is Schizoaffective Disorder, Bipolar Subtype. I never really accepted the bipolar part, because I saw myself as more of a depressed person.

According to my Daylio mood chart, I am depressed, yet it still shows up AND down moods along with the depression.

Not what I was expecting, and it’s hard to deny fact, considering this is only for 6 days of recording. I’m curious to see what a month of recording looks like, and very scared at the same time.

My Love admitted that sometimes he doesn’t know which person he’s coming home to. Happy or sad, or neutral or depressed person.

Well, let’s keep a record over this next month and see…

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Behind The Scenes Of The NAMI Effect (PSA Commercial)

I was so happy to be apart of changing the stigma of mental health in this country and around the world. I felt honored to be apart of the NAMI commercial that took place in Dallas, TX. It was absolutely freezing with 30 degree weather!

Here is the behind the scenes look at the commercial that comes out in May for Mental Health Awareness Month 2015. For more info you can go to my page on Mental Health Awareness and NAMI’s Mental Health Month 2015 page. Thanks for watching!

NAMI Commercial 2015- Mental Health Awareness Month (May)

On March 1st, 2015, I got a great opportunity to be in the NAMI commercial for mental health awareness month in May. I was filmed as an extra, in Dallas, TX. The commercial will air in May. I can’t wait to see it, and for awareness to spread and stigma to lessen as much as it can. I will post the commercial when it comes in. So keep a look out for it! In the mean time, visit www.NAMI.org and look for your local NAMI chapter!

Also, go by an visit the Mental Health Awareness Month page!

Panic Attacks & My Clinic + Updates

Ok first I’ll be honest I cant guarantee that i will always be writing here. Im on forums a lot and other forms of social media. I also write in a pen & paper journal.

Though, I’ve decided to update this page a little bit.

I’ve added:

My twitter account (Which I use pretty frequently)

My Youtube page/V-log/Video Blog

Other random widgets to make my page look nice.

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My psychiatrist recommended me more therapy, but my therapist is hesitant to give me more therapy. They work at the same clinic, in the same building and down the hall from each other. Yet they both aren’t aware of each others treatments on me. Makes no sense. Ever since my old therapist there resigned, this new therapist has been treating me like i’m just another dollar to her. Which I probably am.

I only get therapy 30 minutes, once a month.

Re-read that. It’s true.

I can’t afford more right now or for awhile and I can’t afford to quit therapy.

I feel entirely on my own. Im trying to go back to school. A job is out of the question. Sometimes I dont see the point. Right now I have a little more optimism in life than usual. Thats only because going back to school is giving me something to live for. Although I dont always want to do it. I dont go face to face. I go online.

My panic attacks since the past two months have been so severe. I curl up into a ball sometimes. I vomit. I tremble and shake. I’m physically bent over in mental pain. I sweat. My field of vision narrows. I feel like I’m going to black out. Sometimes I wake up with anxiety. Every night I goto bed with anxiety.

I have called my therapist about it. She has never returned my call…

Respect & Disrespect On The Internet

I havent posted in a very long time. I just hadnt had time, ive forgotten, ive also been doing video blogs, etc.

But then something came up that I felt so strong about…

I feel like I’m the only person in this world that is tolerant to almost everything. There are certain things that I if I was tolerant to it would be sort of weird. For example being biracial, it would be weird to be tolerant of white pride. Well…to support it.

What Im trying to get at is, having been on so many forums and support groups online that deal with supporting others and receiving support for mental health, it’s odd to me how many people on these online places are very intolerant of religion. Now I’m christian. Im serious about my faith and religion but Im not one to preach to random people in public, to random people online, and places like these support groups that have policies that state to keep talk of religion to a minimum or nil.

Maybe I dont know what I was expecting, but I thought people going through so much struggle and so desperate looking for support wouldnt stoop so low as bash other religions. Im not just talking about my own but other peoples religions too.

My beliefs lie in a certain religion but I will always respect other peoples beliefs. I used to not, but I got older and I learned respect.

This goes into other topics, as well. So many people just have no respect for people of other races, genders, sexual orientations, or their beliefs in politics, or even people with certain disabilities disrespect people with other types of disabilities. I dont understand how people can be in such a mindset like that. I understand getting upset or “butthurt” about someone saying something and then you make some sort of throwback at them. But why continuously live life forever disliking a set of people or peoples beliefs?

To me that’s such a sad life. It honestly wants to make me be completely done with the internet and disconnect myself entirely. Though you have to realize that these are real people who live out there in real life saying these things, and me doing such a thing like disconnecting myself wouldnt change that theres still those people out there who log on and say that stuff. And they live in our world outside of the internet. Well…most all of them do.