Taking A Leap Of Faith (A Realization Post)

So I did it. I finally became independent. It only took 28 years!

Moving out is so cathartic, yet it is bittersweet to visit parents at home.

Here I am, with the love of my life, blogging, in our own place. How awesome! Right? Well, yes, but to an extent. The cons? Well, the bills, and the neighbors are ‘eh’, oh, and the lack of money because of bills, yea…

The pros? Way too many. They outdo the cons (even though bills are a major thing right now). But, the independence, being with my love (and so much closer to sealing that lifelong deal we all dream about), the ability to pay bills (that is so quintessential to life, I have money now). Oh, I could go on!

So, as everything in my personal blogging sphere is, I DID come on here to vent as well! So, prepare!

I got into yet another argument with my mom. As our relationship stands, it is very rocky, and i’ll admit (not just me) but she has to tread carefully. I guess what gets me is, the drinking. I drink, too, so no hypocrisy here, no shame. I just am someone who drinks and is, at the same time, honest about drinking. The rest of my family members aren’t. It’s ok. Do you, momma, but, ima do me, too.

I love you, but I just cannot tell you everything mom, i can’t. It would be a big burden to not only my personal intimate relationship with my, right now, boyfriend, but also, my relationship with you.

Not to say I hate my mom, I don’t. I love her with all my heart. Although, she’s just one of those people (cancer’s, if you believe in Astrology) that I cannot tell everything to, and it’s only hurting me to do that.

Do you Momma! I’ma do me!

 

Blog For Mental Health 2015

“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2015 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”  

I started having symptoms around when I was about 9 years old. I would become paranoid when my parents went to work. I figured what they were really doing was going to a secret warehouse complete with cameras and microphones, watching my every move in the house, through the tv screens.

I got older and I noticed kids and teens around my school would follow me, legitamely bully me, and watch me. I supposed they were planning to jump me or possibly kill me. I had to goto my first psychiatric hospital at 13, for depression and self injury. The first of about 20+ later on down the line. Rumors spread around the school about me that I possibly killed myself, or went to jail, because of my prolonged absence from school.

Everything went left when I got about 17, I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. Had been through numerous hospitalizations by that age that were horrifying. A psychiatrist attempted to have me committed to a residential treatment facility. I got out of that somehow.

Fast forward to now, I’m 24. Between 18 and 24 (now), I’ve been hauled off to many psych facilites by law enforcement, on disability, and almost had charges against me for assaulting someone who I thought was following me and watching my every move.

Thats a very small summary of my life with mental health. I hope you enjoyed reading it.

blogformentalhealth.com