One thing I know for sure is that one day I want to break away from this mental health stuff and my own mental health and just drop my life – and barely/rarely look back. No more analyzing. No more figuring out how I am doing. Just live. I wish I had never known my troubles as I do. Being this close and in tune makes me more lonely and depressed than not. I wish I was naive/ignorant more to my mental health. Part of the problem is i’m alone almost 24/7 – 7 days a week so I have ALL this excess time to think about everything.
I REFUSE to do these so called “reality checks” anymore. I dont even call them that now. Let me just let my mind run wild. Ok?
The past 6 months i’ve gotten further away than ever before. In 2010 I started my descent from normalcy and rarely looked back until I was in police custody (or whatever that siutation would be called) in 2012 for a psychotic episode.
The more I run from this the more it follows me. But I will take a left turn so complicated and sharp – Schizophrenia wont know what the fuck hit it.